Squirrel!!!

Have you seen the animated movie, Up?   You have?  OK.  Remember the sweet little dog named Dugg who, bless his little puppy heart, was, like all other dogs, riddled with Attention Deficit Disorder?  Smack in the middle of his dialogue he would stop, point and yell, "Squirrel!".   Now....take Dugg, put him in human form - specifically that of an overweight 42 year old house frau (who, nevertheless manages to usually look effortlessly hip and fabulous) - and add a smidge more A.D.D.  That, my friends, is moi. 

I'm the squirrel-pointing equivalent of an animated dog.  *face palm*

I have actually been in the midst of a conversation with someone while riding in a car and without warning or pause yelled out "Squirrel!".  "Bunny!" and "Deer!" are also favorite tourrette-like eructations of mine because, well....I like squirrel, bunny and deer.  If I happen to see one on the side of the road, I suppose my poor, addled brain thinks it's important enough to interrupt a conversation between two grown-ass adults and immediately call attention to the fact that one of these critters (soon to be road-kill, I imagine) is visible from the road.   

What the blue fuck is that all about???

I have a theory.  Your brain is like any muscle in your body (yes, yes, I know the brain is an organ, not a muscle); if you don't use it, you lose it.   Admittedly, I have likely always had a touch of A.D.D. but it has become increasingly more evident and frustratingly present in recent years.  It got a bit worse after the birth of my son.  I mean, let's face it - kids are incredibly distracting because your focus has to be in 26 places at once in addition to dealing with the other asshole members of your household (husband, cats, dogs, birds, in-laws, your old college roommate - that useless bag of unemployable snot who has been camping out on your couch for the last 6 months swearing up and down he's going to get a job and move out...meanwhile the couch cushions are full of his beer farts and the pillows reek of his stank-nasty Funions breath and his chest hair is sprinkled all over your bathroom vanity.... irritating fucker.  Oh.....see what happened there?  I went off on a tangent....A.D.D., kids).

Back to my theory.....if you don't have consistency and routine, and something to do other than scrubbing skid marks out of underdrawers and grocery lists to make, your brain is going to atrophy.  It's going to shrivel and die from lack of use.  It will short-circuit, fry and malfunction.  In my case, it's A.D.D. and to add insult to injury, a glorious case of short-term memory loss.  Although, it could be the A.D.D. had me so distracted I never processed the things I was supposed to remember because I wasn't paying attention at the time and therefore---ah, feck it. 

Folks, I've been out of work for two and a half years.  I never chose to become a stay at home mom (diva!).  I lost my fucking job rather unexpectedly and couldn't find another.   It's that tragically simple.  I looked.  I looked and looked and cried and raged and suffered horrible feelings of rejection and uselessness until I finally gave up and accepted my fate as just another unemployed schmuck.  It's been very hard getting myself into a routine and for the majority of the time I have been languishing here at home, I haven't had one.   I try but then a squirrel runs by or something shiny catches my eye and BOOM!...routine blown to hell.  Focus gone. 

Have any of you ever gone through something like this?  How does someone in my position, with my unfortunate affliction, drag their sorry carcass out of the rut and do something productive?   Please don't go all Nike on me and tell me to "just do it".  Try it and the next thing I "just do" will be digging a hole to toss your body into.  Seriously, kids.  I need real perspective here - real, tried and true solutions! 
Anyone have anything?  

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

Any--

--BIRDIE!