Monday, July 28, 2014

Plan of Attack

Hello, friends and fellow potty mouths.  I'm back after yet another of my long, unjustified hiatuses.   I'm the laziest fucking blogger alive, kids but at least I'm consistent in my inconsistency.  Right?   

Anyhoo.....I have been strongly encouraged by my love to sit my ass down and write something.  Anything!  Just as long as I'm writing.  So here I am with nothing in particular to tell you, so I'm going to just drudge through some pretty mundane shit.  Try to stay awake, eh?

I stepped on the scale yesterday.  I shouldn't have....but I did.  And do you know what that motherfucker had the NERVE to tell me?  That I was now 274.2 lbs.   Oh read that right.   Nearly 275 pounds of  blood, bones, guts, shit and FAT.  100+ pounds of useless, puckered, chunky yellow FAT.  


Can you believe that happy crappy????  Yeah, neither can I but then again, I haven't exactly been taking the greatest of care of my poor, old, over-burdened body.  My workouts have been sporadic and my diet has not improved much.   Much as I would like to blame it on the non-existent willpower and therefore, encouragement from others to indulge and overeat (you know who you are!! ;P), I can't.  This is all on me.  I can't let someone else's food issues and addiction to junk food feed my own or become my own.   It's all on me to make smarter choices and get my fat ass up and moving, at all costs!  Tired, a little sore, busy?  Not acceptable excuses. 

The fact is, my body is starting to break down.  I am 100 lbs heavier than I was back in 1999, before meeting my ex husband.   I was 174  then, and that was after having lost 30 pounds thanks to a Smoking/Anxiety "diet" I went on.  LOL    I felt like a millions bucks then, but I was also in my twenties.   I was curvaceous and thin and I was confident and sassy.   Now....don't get me wrong.  I know women my weight or bigger who are fully confident and rock their bad sassy selves, no problem.   But damn, my body isn't prepared or equipped to carry this weight around and dammit, no matter how hard I try it IS a vanity thing.  A little bit, anyway.   The part of my body I can't seem to accept is my belly.  I'll take the fat, flabby arms and the thighs and the big ole butt.  But my belly hanging out over my belt and eclipsing my boobs AIN'T COOL.   

All that aside, I FEEL like garbage.  I mean.....better than before when I wasn't working out AT ALL.  Still, I have a long way to go.   There is no excuse for blowing up and gaining more weight.   There is no excuse for not working out regularly and being fit.  No excuse for not eating sensibly (smaller portions, healthier choices and limiting - not eliminating - the sweets and junk food) 

By doing this, I will lose weight by default.  Maybe not all of it.  I may never be 174 again.   But anything is better than where I'm at now.  

So - my plan of attack?

64-128 ounces of water a day.  Preferrably infused water (lemon, mint, cuke).

High protein, moderate carbs (and the right kind)

Exercise, exercise, exercise.

I cancelled my gym membership today.  HA!  Why?  Because, kidlets, I'm flat fucking broke, that's why. Remember?  Me no jobby?  Me unemployed forever and ever?  Yeah.  That's why.  D and I are trying to save up to move outta here and while we can't do it while I'm still not working, we can at least begin the process of cutting our expenses and saving what we can.  

INSTEAD, I am working out at home.  It isn't rocket science.  Cardio - any activity that gets your heart rate up and yer sweat goin'.   I walk, in place, using a dvd by a cloying sweet and utterly annoying lady named Leslie Sansone.   She irks the shit outta me, but her walking program works.   You march in place, but you MOVE.  You do knee lifts, kicks, back kicks, side steps (some of these while in a moderate squat position) AND you even get your arms in on the act.  It's legit, peeps.  I broke a sweat doing it today.  

I plan to do this walking bit three days a week, and use the other two for strength training.   Push ups, planks, hand weights, squats, lunges, etc etc.   There is a way to do it without spending money I clearly don't have.  

The other advantage to working out at home is.....I don't have to dress appropriately, I can be in my nastiest, stained tank top and pilled up, worn out sweats and I can fart to my hearts content.  Yes, exercise often makes me gassy or  have to suddenly stop and run for the bathroom.   Here at least I know I won't have to offend someone else's nose or ears and there will be no line for a stall.  :)  

TMI?   Hey're reading my personal blog.  What did you think you were going to read here?  Movie reviews and recipes?   Pffft.   

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